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So-Ridiculous-It’s-Scary Excuses for Missing Work

Excuses for Missing Work

Dozens of recruiters, hiring managers, and executives answered our open call for the most ridiculous-it’s-scary excuses they’ve received for employees missing work. With Halloween approaching, we chose our favorite to share with you here. Some of these excuses are perplexing, others are downright scary.

Sit back, relax, and listen in as we share the best of the best.

  1. “My toilet exploded.”
  2. “I was overzealous washing my face, my hair got wet, and I had to start all over.”
  3. “The security gate in my development is broken and I’m locked in.”
  4. “I’m too drunk to come to work.”
  5. We’d say “only in Austin” but this excuse happened in Vancouver, BC: “My chickens escaped their pen and I have to catch them all.”
  6. This call did happen in Austin: “I have to help my neighbor round up the donkeys.”
  7. “The car wash attendant locked my keys in the car when putting it on the wash conveyor.” This was the second time in one summer this same thing happened to the same man. Sound suspicious? An eye witness confirmed it was, sadly, the truth.
  8. “I couldn’t swallow a vitamin pill. It got stuck in my throat and wouldn’t go down or come back up. Then, while on the toilet, a scorpion crawled across the floor right next to my feet. I had to deal with the scorpion, while on the toilet, while choking on the pill.” While the manager had a hard time believing the story, he tells us there was compelling evidence. We didn’t get a chance to ask what that might be.
  9. “I sneezed and soiled my pants while in the office, so I made a direct exit home.” A tip from this manager: Diarrhea excuses will always work. No one ever, um, probes further for more information. oct 22 a(1)
  10. “I got pulled over for speeding and was arrested for an outstanding warrant for speeding.”
  11. “I’m across the street, but I can’t get over there because the traffic is too bad.” The job candidate, in this case, was told not to bother attempting the dangerous feat again later.
  12. “I’ll need to miss two days of work in order to play in the Quiddich World Cup.” This excuse actually clinched the job for an intern candidate. Muggles unite.
  13. “I just moved, all my clothes are in boxes, and I can’t find any pants.”
  14. “I got married. I didn’t want you all to make a fuss.”
  15. “I’m stranded in Las Vegas and my credit cards are maxed out. Could you buy me a one-way flight back home so I can return to work?” Don’t worry: It wasn’t the same person who had just eloped.
  16. “My wife is having an emergency hysterectomy.” Fortunately, the rest of the department found this wasn’t true when they tried to send flowers to the hospital. No word on whether the man is still married.
  17. [Call comes in at 3:00 am]: “I’m sick and can’t come in to work.” [Manager tells caller she hopes the bug passes quickly.] “I should be fine after I sober up…Did I say that?”
  18. “I was pulled over and the police found out I was in the United States illegally. They took me to jail to be deported.” He managed to work out a way to stay in the U.S. for 30 days, during which time, he proposed to every single woman in the office.

Now it’s your chance! Share with us some of the craziest excuses you’ve heard. Have you used any yourself? We won’t judge…much.

Image 1 credit: jorgophotography / 123RF Stock Photo

Image 2 credit: elnur / 123RF Stock Photo